Comics Are Wacky #2: Gremlins Speak German, According to DC

For this second entry, I’ll go with something that’s a bit less known, but still pretty weird. This is also something I like to bring up ever since I read it. According to DC Comics, (space) Gremlins speak German.

This is the first instance we see Gremlins speaking “German.”

This is from Geoff Johns’s pre-New 52 run on Green Lantern, the one the brought back Hal Jordan as the main Lantern in 2006 after Rebirth. Specifically this is from issues #4-6 of vol.1 of Green Lantern. This is considered one of the overall best runs of Green Lantern, but that doesn’t mean it’s exempt from wacky stuff like this.

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Comics Are Wacky #1: Spider-Man Gives Birth To Himself

I love comics and superheroes. As convoluted as they can be with their lore and consistency, they’re great. But, as can be expected when dealing with aliens, radiation, and normal humans dressed in eccentric costumes who can supposedly beat gods, there’s some…weird stuff to say in the least. Some of it good, some of it bad, some it having no real affect on anything in particular but is just weird anyways.

I’ll randomly being sharing some of these wacky moments either from memory or recent experience. Today, I start with a rather infamous one and one I constantly bring up whenever the idea of “weirdness” in comics is brought up: Spider-Man once gave birth to himself.

Totally normal.

Yeah, I don’t get it either. This occurred in the Changes storyline, which comes from Spectacular Spider-Man (vol. 2) #17-20 in 2004, with the “climax” of this coming in issue #20.

To briefly explain it, there was an enemy called the Queen that had captured Peter Parker aka Spider-Man. She kisses him which basically starts to make Peter sick and transform him. This ends up turning him into a full-on giant spider. The transformation also somehow makes him pregnant(?). The Queen sees him like this and he eventually goes into a seizure (remember, as a giant spider) and dies. The Queen leaves.

I guess we just call him “Spider” at this point?

She left at just the wrong time to see the “miracle” that came next. Turns out, giant spider Peter was pregnant with another human version of himself, basically the same as he was before, so he still had all his Spider-Man powers and memories and everything, with just a couple add-ons. Now, he has organic webshooters and can talk to bugs now for some reason, which, by the way, hasn’t ever been brought up since then. So basically, Spider-Man turns into an actual spider, dies, and gives birth to himself.

Did that make everything clear? Probably not, but that wasn’t my intention. I’m just the messenger. The whole reason for doing this was basically to give Spider-Man organic webshooters in the comics, just like the Sam Raimi Spider-Man (2002) movie did. Because for whatever reason they both have to be the same and they can’t just exist on their own. Their reason for doing it like this and also randomly throwing in the ability to talk to bugs is beyond me.

So there’s some of the wackiness of comic books for you. I’ll probably think of plenty more to come.